While talking to newly born squabs at my balcony, Suddenly, I realized, that when we love someone we try to do things in hope that other person will feel happy. But does this always happens this way? Another person may perceive our acts in a way other than love. Don’t you think so?
Previously when I had such little guests in my balcony, out of my love for them I try to caress them and hold them. And they try to hit me with their little peaks and try to fly off with their underdeveloped & not so strong wings! But I used to wonder why they try to attack me or running away from me? I am protecting them from crows, I love them, provide food, water, shelter but then why don’t they understand me?!
Have you ever faced a similar situation with your loved ones? We do things in good faith thinking that other person will like and will be very happy but…. opposite happens! And we go crazy thinking what I have done wrong? Why is s/he not happy? I have put in too many efforts! Ever thought why? It’s simple and fundamental. We perceive our so-called ‘like’ as per our own experiences in our own life, within the limited understanding of our mind. But the person in front of us may have a different understanding of things, different expectations, different experiences of life and hence, things which are important to them are different from ours.
We try to please them as per our own understanding or we mix our own selfish interest in the acts (we think) we are doing for them! As a result, we do not get a response as expected because whatever you do is not out of ‘love’ in their perception.
Understand how your loved ones think and what is important to them.
Anu Kushwaha
Coming back to my little squabs, what different I have done? I have stopped touching them or caressing them. I used to do that as I thought this is a way of showing love but maybe not for them! Now when I go near to them they are calm. They do not panic or attack me as previous squabs used to do. They have developed a trust with me that I won’t hurt them. Maybe that is their perception of love – their survival, which is most important to them. Now they know I am not a threat to their survival by any means.
People expect their loved ones to support them in the things which are most important to them. If you are successful in doing that, you have won the game. Most important thing could be any little gesture, preparing evening tea and sipping together, going for trek together, just standing by in kitchen talking instead of watching TV or reading newspaper, doing activities silently if another person is sleeping or just emotional support when things go wrong instead of giving lectures on how s/he could have avoided such situation etc etc.
If your loved ones like fresh flowers, giving them gold flower won’t give them happiness. However, if money is important to you, you will think that I have put in so many efforts, designed it, spent so much money but s/he is still not happy! I am doing everything to make it work, but it’s not happening! Sounds familiar? Understand how your loved ones think and what is important to them.
And most importantly, do not mix your own selfish interest. That means do not expect what you will get out of this gesture, the focus is on another person, not you. It will give you two benefits:
- You won’t be disappointed as you have not appointed any thought with the gesture.
- Your act will be selfless and when you do selfless acts for people you reach to their soul, that’s where the love belongs to!
Belong to love, that is the language of the universe. Focus on others while giving and focus on self while finding mistakes. Love will blossom in every relationship!
